buckydameron:

Andy Samberg Shares His Rejected Golden Globes Jokes.

onion-souls:

showerthoughtsofficial:

A world where cops employ chimps/gorillas instead of k9’s would be fucking terrifying.

A police force of subhumans known to randomly brutalize people at the slightest provocation, accompanied by trained gorillas

magedoc:

genderists:

there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face

Chaotic Neutral

lesbianrey:

ally of the year

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

doggosource:

pupper meets ice

This has the same energy of that video of Chris Hemsworth taking sips of soup and between sips going, “It’s hot”, “It’s still hot”

justbadpuns:

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. ‘Are you the friar?’ he asks. ‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies..

fieldbears:

ocarines:

ocarines:

dad bod spiderman can’t drive

well MAYBE he can, but he’s a miserable parallel parker

god fucking damn it